all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
