i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
