im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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