brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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