I feel great
I just peed on a car
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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