Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I will be naked everywhere
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
