I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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