remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
