Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
