I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
