you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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