yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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