I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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