"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
