On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
