is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
