my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
