at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i think i just lost a toe
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
