you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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