I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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