i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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