Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
