Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
