you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
