I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
