just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
