I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
