can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
