Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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