A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
