I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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