So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
