No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
