just come out here and I will go home with you...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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