Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
