you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize