I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You can't just leave with hair like that
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
