the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
