Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
