I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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