Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I AM VODKA MAN
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Drake has all the answers
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