I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
