I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
