Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
