cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
