We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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