you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
