I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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