I want to make a zoo with you.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize