I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
