I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
