If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
