I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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