Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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