apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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