you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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