why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
