I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
