Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
