he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
