listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
