Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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