You really coming over, don't trick.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Randomize
