So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
