a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
