Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
