C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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