Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
