I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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