i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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