it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
