I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
