You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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