A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
