the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
