if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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