Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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