My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
