im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
