You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
