you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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