you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
