We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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