i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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