I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I want to walk on stilts...naked
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
