I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
