Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
