Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
