I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he was CRYING into my vagina
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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