ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Fuck appropriateness.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
