it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
