six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
