I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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