You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
